Nobody Wants A Cranky Trophy Girl.

When you watch a pro motorcycle race on TV, you are watching a very polished event. The TV cameras are placed in just the right spot to make all the racers look great. Racers flying through the air in shiny new riding gear. Well dressed and well paid pit crews with all the coolest tools, and of course a pretty trophy girl to hand you your trophy for a job well done.

I so wish the above description was the norm for a racer like myself, but the reality is far from that. To start with, there is no TV, but there is usually an official photographer. The photographer's job is to hind behind a turn or a hill so you have no idea he is there, then snap a photo of you when you least expect it, usually at the most inopportune moment, like when you are standing up with your hand down the back of your pants trying to fix a wedgie.

My gear is far from shiny, unless you consider that Gorilla duct tape I use use to hold my knee guards together, part of my gear. Something about Gorilla duct tape, no matter how dirty it gets it seems to always be more shiny then anything else I have on.

My pit crew is not paid as it always consists entirely of friends or family. So when they overfill my tank and soak my crotch with 91 octane, I really can't complain too much otherwise I will be doing it myself the next race. But, it's not all that bad, once the excruciating stinging pain subsides, it does have kind of a cooling effect.

Now I'm not saying we don't have a pretty trophy girl in the series I usually race, she's very cute, but she is the promoters daughter and she is only four years old, so if the awards happen to be during nap time we will be doing without a trophy girl for that particular race. I guess we could wake her up for the awards ceremony but then she would be cranky, and nobody wants a cranky trophy girl.

Rob Swan
Qualifying Broker
Swan Realty
SwanRealtyRedRiver.com

Cute Girls at the Dirt Bike Race

Let me be clear about this, That cute girl you see wandering around the pits is not available. That is another racers girlfriend. In the entire history of the world, Never has a cute girl randomly wondered out to a Dirt Bike Race to see if she could meet someone. If you want to be involved in an activity where this does happen you should take up Surfing or learn to play a Guitar. 

Rob Swan
Qualifying Broker
Swan Realty, Red River, NM
SwanRealtyRedRiver.com

Red Bull and Ibuprofen - Gearing up for the next race

Preparation is everything.  Good tires, proper jetting, correct suspension setup, etc... and if you are over 40 like me then there is a couple more necessities that need to be addressed to insure a successful race, these fall into the category of caffeine and pain killers.

Caffeine can easily be obtained, but making coffee before sunrise is just not much fun especially if you didn't go to bed anywhere near sunset. If you are like me and don't like coffee then coffe's just not an option anyway.  The better solution is to get out of bed 40 minutes before your start time, flip open the cooler and grab an ice cold energy drink. If you couple this with a side of fried bacon and a Camelbak full of Cytomax,  you have just have just consumed the ultimate pre race breakfast. This combination has worked well for me, although I do need to figure out what is causing this post race stomach ache that I always seem to have.

For an entire season prior to my last knee surgery I suffered through a lot of painful races. Sometimes it wasn't that bad, but other times after practice I was walking around the camp trying to bum pain killers just so I could get back on my bike for the race. Throughout that season I learned a lot about bumming pain killers and the most important thing I learned is where the best place was to bum pain killers.
At any race there are multiple classes of racers generally based upon either age or ability of the racer. The fastest class is the Pro class, this class is generally made up of racers in their late teens and twenties. This is the worst place to find pain killers as these racers are young and extremely talented so they very rarely fall or suffer any injuries. If they do have a pain killer it is usually the run of the mill 200mg Advil and it usually comes from one of their girlfriends purses.
Common sense would tell you that in order to find pain killers you need to find people who are in pain. This brings us to Class 40 and Class 50. These classes are based strictly upon age and you have to be at least a certain age to qualify for that class. Class 30, Class 40, Class 50, and so on. The absolute best place to bum pain killers is Class 40 and 50. Not only are these racers usually in constant pain due to age and prior nagging injuries, but they also know and have access to real pain killers. If you ask a Class 40 or 50 racer for a pain killer, he will not insult you with a 200mg Ibuprofen, he will immediately offer up at least an 800 and then get you a hookup to his riding buddy who has some Vicodin and another guy he knows that just showed up with some Hydrocodone. I found that these classes are pretty well hooked up and will do their best to help out a fellow racer in need.

If for some reason you happen to show up in pain, and are in a bind, hit me up. I can usually spare a Red Bull and I think I still know where to find the guy with the 800's.

Rob Swan
Qualifying Broker
Swan Realty, Red River, NM
SwanRealtyRedRiver.com

Racing Vegas to Reno in 2012 with the help of a Rooster

In January of 2008 I made a decision to race the Baja 1000 in the coming November. Without knowing anything about it, I subsequently figured it all out and with the help of some great teammates we successfully entered and finished the 41st running of the Baja 1000.

Am I a great racer? No, not by a long shot. But I am great at accomplishing things that I really want to do and I really wanted to race the Baja 1000. Since that time I have continued to ride and train as much as I can. I race in the WeBe harescramble series and ride with my son and my buddies as much as possible. But now, I really want to race the BITD Vegas to Reno. Since BITD schedules this race in the absolute hottest month in the Nevada desert, why not? 600 miles of burning sand and 115 degree weather. Isn't this what everyone goes to Nevada for? Just kidding, kinda, I'm not kidding about the heat but I really am looking forward to doing this race.

When I started planning for the Baja 1000 I honestly had no idea what I was doing, I was so thankful for the advice and direction of the helpful staff at SCORE and all those other racers who had gone before me. Since that race I have learned a lot. I no longer have nightmares about sand woops and filling out race entry forms has become second nature. Putting together a great team isn't easy. I was very fortunate to have a couple of riding buddies that jumped at the chance. That's not really true, one of them jumped at the chance, we then had to invest in quite a few adult beverages to convince the other one that this was something he needed to do. The cost of a case of Bud Light is irrelevant when you consider the fact that we ended up getting a great teammate out of the deal.

This time I'm going it alone. Well kinda, you never really do a race like this alone, it does take a concerted effort between you and your crew. My crew at this point consists of entirely one person named Rooster. Rooster is a great guy and I'm sure he will do a great job at pitting for me as soon as I teach him how to put gas in a bike and change a tire. I honestly don't know if Rooster has ever ridden a bike in his life and I know for a fact he hasn't worked on one but I didn't pick Rooster because of his experience, I picked Rooster because he is fun, and he is the only one who agreed to go with me and I am sure it is because he has no idea how hot it is in Nevada in August. I did tell him that there would be racer parties and pretty girls, I guess I can teach him how to change a tire later.

Rob Swan
Qualifying Broker
Swan Realty, Red River, NM
SwanRealtyRedRiver.com